I need help removing her.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
