Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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