You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
