Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
