Acid is not a monday night drug
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
