the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
