Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
