He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
