I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
