Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He did a backflip because drugs
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
