I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
