I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
