I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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