dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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