when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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