That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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