Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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