FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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