Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
