I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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