It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
