someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
