True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
