He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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