She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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