Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
