1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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