i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
