I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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