Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
