shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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