How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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