Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
