Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Randomize
