it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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