alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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