he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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