At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
