so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
