what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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