im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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