Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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