threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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