how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.