Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(818): View more from California

Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks

Fav 32 1209 7455
share tweet
(870): View more from Arkansas

I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

Fav 43 8052 1907
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.

Fav 22 7451 1229
share tweet
(641): View more from Iowa

Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.

Fav 6 3093 1148
share tweet
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(506): View more from New Brunswick

just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday

Fav 7 2629 1318
share tweet
(801): View more from Utah

Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.

Fav 13 2514 3549
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(662): View more from Mississippi

She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

Fav 21 3647 1305
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(239): View more from Florida

I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god

Fav 0 348 244
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(469): View more from Texas

When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...

Fav 2 98 24
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT