Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...