someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades