i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me