i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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