I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i think i have herpe
just one?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
