dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
