saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
wow bdsm is so cute
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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