We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
