Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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