She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
