On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
