Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
