Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
