I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize