I seem to have left my pride at pride
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
