Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
