I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
