made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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