Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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