they need to just BURY HIM!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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