I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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