as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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