should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
