just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
