I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
