he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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