please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
