He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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