Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
