she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
