chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
