i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
