You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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