I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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